I am dating someone my family does NOT approve of. tips?

This can be very difficult because ultimately you want your family to approve of the person you are seeing.

The first thing I would do is have a mature conversation with your family and figure out what it is about them that they do not like. If something comes up that is a misconception, you can calmly address it without fighting. I think it is really important to remember that you shouldn’t be fighting during this conversation because you want to show your family that you are serious about this and that you are willing to hear them.

Secondly, I would try keeping your SO away from your family if the issues really can’t be resolved (ie they can not get over different aspects- religion, gender, race, etc). They don’t have to approve of your SO (as much as we want them to). It might be really hard to keep these two “lives” separate but it is do-able. This can really eliminate tension and stress between all parties involved.

Lastly, you family loves you and cares about you so I would hope above anything, they would just want you to be happy. But always remember that you don’t need anyone’s approval. Live your life how you want to live your life and do whatever makes you happy.

With love,

Tori

I start my new job tomorrow and am anxious/nervous/excited about the whole new environment/people meeting stage. Any ideas on how to make that seem easier?

I think this is something everyone feels when they start a new job. The main thing I would advise you to do is to remember that you don’t have to know everything and everyone at one time; it’ll take time. You won’t be new forever and quickly you will start to learn the ropes and get to know your fellow co-workers.

When starting a new job with new people, there’s going to be drama. I have not worked in a place where there was absolutely no drama. This is the biggest thing about jobs that can sometimes wrap people up and make their jobs a living he!! (excuse the French). Stay away from the drama. Therefore, I think it also very important to always be on your best behavior; always be kind, helpful, and try your best.

As far as tips for meeting new people, just be friendly. Introduce yourself. Smile/say hi every time you come into work and/or see them. Just simple little things to build your relationship with someone can make all the difference. Lastly, be yourself. Lots of times when people are meeting other people they can sometimes change their character. People can really appreciate someone who has always been themselves and always stayed true to themselves.

Goodluck and I wish you all the best!

Tori

Advice on how to get over your boyfriend/girlfriend? My boyfriend just broke up with me and I am taking it really hard. I just can’t get over him.

Hey there… we have ALL been there! This can be really hard on people because it is a huge change when you get used to someone and invite them into your heart/life and then all of a sudden, they’re gone. The only thing that I have really found that helps is time. I know it sounds cheesy but I am being so serious. Time truly heals all wounds because each day it’ll hurt a little less. One day you will wake up and you will realize that it doesn’t hurt anymore. I think that is really important to keep in mind because it is OKAY to not be okay. It is okay to be sad over your breakup.

Some tips I have for the time being is keeping busy. Whenever I would go through a breakup or a hard time within one of my relationships, I would start planning different things. I would go shopping with my mom or plan a day with my best friends. Keeping busy definitely helps you to get over your ex because it helps you not think about him/her. During this time, taking time for yourself is crucial. Go get your hair or nails done, go shopping for a cute outfit, or plan a movie night with yourself. Showing yourself from TLC can be something we all lack when we are going through rough patches.

Another huge tip I have is being true to yourself. If it is meant to be, it’ll be. I know you have the biggest urge to text/call your ex a billion times and demand to get back together but don’t. Instead, try leaving it. Sometimes silence can be therapeutic and good for a relationship. Know your worth through this process and don’t diminish your self-respect.

Lastly, I just want to put this out there. Breakups are sometimes a really good thing. I know you might not see that now but one day, you will see it. Personally, I am thankful for the breakups I have had because they had all taught me a lesson and saved me from a lifetime of unhappiness (to be totally straight up). A little cliche, I know- but everything happens for a reason. Just think, you are now one step closer to finding your soulmate.

Hope this helps. Sending a bunch of love and hugs your way! XXOO

Tori

 

Do you have any advice on self-confidence?

It can be really hard trying to build up confidence in yourself. It has been something that I have also struggled with for a really long time (and still have trouble with now). I think almost everyone has struggled with this, so you are not alone. I have found things that work for me when I am feeling like I have no self-confidence, but different things work for different people.

What works for me:

  • I usually take some time to shower, do my nails, do my hair, etc.
  • Journal. I have a journal and put everything in there that I am feeling/thinking and it helps me get everything out, so that I can move forward.
  • Make yourself the main priority. Most times we are overcome by a billion other things that take our attention away from our bodies. I like to take time to refocus my energy on myself.
  • Cut out all your negative thoughts. When I start thinking negatively about myself, I try to stop and think about something else (something happy). I also might watch a movie or read a book to think about something else. (I watch something uplifting and empowering)
  • Clean. This might sound weird but I really like cleaning. It helps me think clearly and makes me feel good when my space is clean (idk..). Just try it and see how it works for you.

Just remember that sometimes our self-confidence revolves around how others see us and what they think of us. It can be really hard when you have people criticizing you about your body, face, or other characteristics. Once those comments start, it is hard to dismiss them so you start to believe them. But, at the end of the day, it only matters how you see yourself and how you think about yourself. Work on yourself, by yourself, and for yourself to try to make sure that you are the best person you can be. Do what you love, cut out what you hate, and live to the fullest.

“A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of a sheep.” Be a tiger.

XO

Tori

I have a friend in an unhappy and miserable state and she sees someone but it is clearly not healing or helping… The littlest things are carrying a huge weight on her shoulders and she won’t believe her friends or family. I am feeling useless as a friend! Any advice for me to pass on?

My first and foremost recommendation is for your friend to try and seek out another therapist. It seems as though the therapist she is seeing might not mesh well with how she is as a person. Every therapist has different styles, theories, approaches, and techniques that they utilize and some just don’t work for particular people. To me, it seems like she might have some underlying issues from her past that are unresolved. She could benefit greatly from talking those issues through. It might take a little while to get through those issues but I think that could really make things a whole lot better and make her relationships with friends and family stronger.

As for you, I might recommend you seeking out a therapist to talk all this over as well, especially if you are feeling like a useless friend. It seems like you are experiencing some stress over your friend and it might make you feel better discussing this with someone. It might also benefit you to do some activities that you love to get your mind off your friend and add some much-needed stress relief.

“Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever

Sending you love,

Tori

 

 

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